I’m in a daze right now.
Three slivered almonds fell on the ground, with no one to lick them up. This realization was momentous and life-changing in ways I will only know later.
I’m in a daze right now. One week out and I can’t get through it. I’m at work and can’t feel what’s going on around me, let alone participate in any helpful way.
Losing Max feels fundamental and much more than losing Max. I knew it was coming, he was 12 after all. He anchored me, in good and bad ways. I don’t have that anchor anymore. I was preparing myself for this time, but didn’t think it would happen the way it did. He’s gone and I am only beginning to accept that he isn’t coming back. My brain has known it since 4 AM that Sunday, but the rest of me hasn’t accepted it.
We’re making plans. Plans to leave, plans to cut all of it and go. Live the adventurous life, the life unlimited and the rare chance we’ve been given. That’s what we always said we would do. I want to do that and most of the time, I want to do that tomorrow. Right now though, I want to float in a haze, sleep all the time, not think about it or anything. How is anyone expected to function while grieving.